Come and beat me
This morning, as I sandwiched my croissant between a large slice of fried egg, my intrusive thoughts whispered, This should be a crime. That is, using a croissant as if it’s regular bread and eating it with eggs.
Is it not, though? Just another kind of bread? Do the French have specific instructions on how one should and should not eat a croissant? Am I smearing their tradition by consuming it in such an odd way?
This thought drifted into my consciousness because I spotted my flatmate peeping at my choice of breakfast through her side eye as she washed her own breakfast dishes.
I caught myself mentally calculating what this personal choice might signal to her about the kind of person I am, based on what I have chosen to eat.
Still on the same train of thought, I laid blame on my mother as I recalled a vague memory of her doing something similar before; pairing croissants with something unorthodox — and as it now seems, I might have inherited a bad habit.
I let this line of thought float around in my mind and then smacked it dead in the face with a counterthought, “Oya, come and beat me.”
This phrase has become my defense mechanism against people-pleasing. It’s a way for me to assert my choices, especially those that I feel might be seen as inferior to other people’s way of life.
Come and beat me is a challenge.
It’s like I’m on the playground with other kids and someone dares to ridicule my sand castle for being a bit peculiar. My response to them is that there’s absolutely nothing they can do about it.
It also serves as a great defense against intrusive thoughts that prioritize other people’s opinions and centers their preferences over mine.
Recently, as I was getting dressed to meet a friend, I found myself wondering if people would consider me tasteless for wearing New Balance hiking shoes on a casual day out. It’s a silly thought, but even if they think that, they can’t do anything about it.
So now, whenever I feel like I’m committing any kind of social “blunder”, I say this out loud, “Come👏🏽and👏🏽beat👏🏽me.” And it truly cracks me up, lifts my spirits, and makes me more assertive.
Since I wear things because I think they look nice and I eat food because I think it tastes good, social approval becomes irrelevant.
No one can beat me for the choices I make; culinary, sartorial or otherwise.
The worst they can do is think it to themselves or talk about it with others — none of which affects me.
This mindset has become a source of daily liberation for me.
On specific occasions, I couple it with “and so what?”
And so what if someone doesn’t like me? And so what if someone formed an unfavorable opinion of me based on a single encounter? And so what?
As an overthinker, I’m also a culprit of over-analyzing social interactions — most of which don’t really matter after the event. The alternative paths I wish I could have taken become irrelevant once the interaction is over.
So, I’ve found a way to free myself.
You too — if you don’t already have a defense mechanism of your own — can try putting these into practice when the occasion calls for it.
- Challenge them to come and beat you
- Ask, “And so what?”
