No one is coming to save you
I don’t mean to open on a melancholic note, but these are my train of thoughts at 3am on August 1st.
*Kachi is lost in thought*
I’ve been going through Mylene Mae’s really good content and thinking of all the cool things I need to do, but have taken so so so long to get around to.
I always found comfort in the belief that what I needed to be fully equipped for my creative journey could only be found through apprenticing with my creative icons and spending time under their tutelage.
Yes, while I recognize that in many cases, this approach bears good fruits, it has unfortunately not been an effective strategy for me.
I have tried and failed and lost time and now, once again, am at ground zero, starting afresh and recovering from the utter shame of fumbling so many good opportunities because of my lack of focus, proper guidance — I blame no one — and inability to pick one thing, stick with it, and see it through.
What I now find unamusing is the fact that everything I needed, I sort of already had. I was simply required to put them to good use, but didn’t.
Paradoxically, my merry-go-round led back to a conclusion I could have arrived at years ago, but perhaps was too emotionally immature to process.
The power is in the mind.
Typically, an admission of guilt of this nature would never see the light of the internet stage. It would be reserved for my private journal. But, for some reason, I’m drawn to publish publicly. A metaphorical self-scourging at the pillar. A recounting of my walk to Calvary before my sins were forgiven.
Despite the tone of this thought process, I’m in a happy place. I have peace and a reasonable degree of clarity. I am blessed.
You must equip yourself to swim first so you can stay afloat until the rescue ship arrives.
I have Jesus, and yes He is my savior, but I know deep in my heart that he wouldn’t have been able to save me without me.
Without me admitting that I was lost. Without me humbling myself to ask for His mercy. Without me seeking solace in His word. Without me making an effort to fellowship spiritually. Without me opening my heart to His ministrations.
I don’t feel like I’m completely out of the wilderness yet, and usually testimonies are shared after the storm has passed, but what shall it profit me to stay silent when the Lord has made a way? He is drawing me closer in spirit. He is deepening my knowledge of who I am in Him. He is opening my mind and heart to receive His instructions. All I have to do is be present, listen, and obey.
P.s. This is not some kind of declaration of liberation. I’m still very much working through my current reality in real time. I am not certain of anything in particular. I’ve simply decided to wake up and this is my “good morning” to you.
